I hate the fact that I believe in the idea that I am an individual and am special and different from others and then I will meet people who will judge my behavior (I am awkward and boring and unsociable in general). It just makes me want to crumble into a gajillion pieces because I am reminded that the idea I believe in is just a mere fairytale that was instilled in me when my mind was stable, when my heart was stable.
I am so pissed because I can actually feel people judging me, sometimes I see it in their eyes or sense it in the way they talk to me. This affects me in so many ways and on so many levels. And it saddens me that these people are people who i actually know. I try to be who they want me to be when I’m around them but i just end up feeling lame(r).
Truth is eVERYBODY’s going to judge me at some point. I just have to grow some balls, man up and face it.
"greeEEEaaaEt so just post this on the internet errtang will be alright when billions of strangers know that youre going through something"
frankly, i just don’t care right now. when i’m 80 and can’t read this text (if i ever find it again) without my reading glasses on , it’ll just be another reason to laugh. meh
thanks for getting this far